first church of dirt

veneration

Sun, 14 Mar 2010 08:14:00 GMT

think of some root crops.

beets
potatoes
parsnips
rutabagas
radishes
yams
carrots

those are all good, tasty plants. the roots we're interested in, however, are not quite so familiar. perhaps they're a bit more unusual. please, don't be frightened.

Stachys affinis - crosne du Japon, Chinese artichoke, chorogi, artichoke betony, knotroot.

yes, they look like wichetty grubs, which may also be good food. they're crunchy, though, not squishy like a grub. tasty raw or cooked, this is a very easy to grow and quite productive plant. not easy to get rid of, though, so careful where you put it.

next up: Helianthus tuberosus, Jerusalem artichoke, sunchoke, sunroot, earth apple, topinambur.

this one's gaining popularity, so you may be familiar with it already. also very productive and difficult to get rid of. there's a liquor made of sunroot called Rossler. sounds vile to me, but sunchokes taste good. they sweeten up significantly after frost, but the sugar involved is inulin. this is good for diabetic folks, as humans aren't able to digest inulin, so it doesn't contribute to blood glucose.

one more: Apios americana, the groundnut (or potato bean, hopniss, Indian potato, hog potato).

groundnuts are nitrogen-fixing legumes. the tubers grow at intervals along roots and they're both tasty and abundantly produced. groundnut seeds and seed pods are also a good source of protein, though not produced in large quantities. there are a couple of universities with groundnut breeding programs and their improved varieties are sometimes available to purchase.

all of these plants are reliably perennial and have compatible requirements. about all they're picky about is moist, well-drained soil and being in a relatively sunny spot. they'll all grow in poor dirt, and are pretty flexible with pH. the crosne is the least hardy: to zone 5.

so why not plant them all together? planted in a large pot for the city-dwellers, or right in the ground if you've got access, these three together* comprise a suitable shrine to dirt. the crosne provides a high groundcover, the sunchokes form a higher canopy, and the groundnut enriches the soil and climbs up the sunchokes.

together, they will remind us to respect dirt and the mysteries it hides. and, given periodic offerings of clean water, your shrine will provide an abundant harvest to share with those around you.

*substitutions and additions are just fine, but do take into consideration growth habits. replacing sunchokes (your scaffold for the groundnuts) with another climber such as mashua or a yam, for example, wouldn't be ideal.

seeking

Sat, 06 Mar 2010 12:22:00 GMT

has ritual cannibalism got you down? maybe you're tired of praying all the god damned time? perhaps you fancy being composted instead of being picked apart by vultures. do you find the weight of your uncut hair oppressive? do you find that fasting isn't any fun at all? would you prefer to keep the genitals of your male children free of undue attention? are you tired of your dead ancestors consistently refusing to eat the elaborate meals you prepare for them?*

well, folks, I've got some good news. being a part of the first church of dirt is so very much easier than all of that. all you have to do is be considerate of dirt. hopefully that will lead to some more tangible action, but you don't have to worry yourself with that just yet. so how about it? it's easy to get your hands dirty, why not get your soul dirty?

if you're into dirt but also want to keep up the funny stuff from your current or previous religious affiliation, well, dirt isn't jealous: feel free to practice religion polyamory.

*have I left out your favorite nutty religious practice? sorry. there are so many, you know?

building the temple

Sat, 20 Feb 2010 19:21:00 GMT

I will give in the wilderness the cedar, acacia, myrtle, and oleaster; I will set in the desert the cypress, pine, and box-tree together;
Isaiah 41:19 Darby Bible

we, the faithful, are obligated to care for dirt, but we have not been left without the means to do so. the oleaster family, the Elaeagnaceae, are powerful allies in this task.

these plants grow well in a wide variety of soils and climates. many are quite drought tolerant. some are tolerant of saline conditions. through holy symbiosis with actinomycetes of the genus Frankia, oleasters fix atmospheric nitrogen, thereby enriching the dirt in which they grow.

these attributes recommend the Elaeagnaceae for interplanting with fruit and nut trees. in such a setting, they increase food production and decrease the time before first cropping. planted in saline conditions, appropriate oleasters will add organic material to dirt, allowing other plants to thrive and produce food on land that might otherwise be barren.

further, many oleasters provide delicious and nutritious fruit. these fruits are rich sources of vitamins and minerals, including vitamins A, C, and E, and the recently revered carotenoid pigment lycopene, among many others.

oleaster flowers are of benefit to many of our insect allies, including the beloved parasitoid wasps. a few species flower in the Autumn and mature fruit in the Spring, providing much needed nectar for the bugs late in the year and much needed fresh fruit for us early in the year.

armed with formidable thorns, oleasters are a good choice to include in a dense hedge.

for all these reasons, plants of the Elaeagnaceae occupy an important place in many food forests, the holy temples of dirt. they are truly a great boon.

here are a few of the oleasters growing at the pikkumaatila, home of the first church of dirt:

Elaeagnus umbellata, the Autumn olive
Elaeagnus pungens, silverberry
Elaeagnus multiflora, goumi
Hippophae rhamnoides, sea buckthorn

(photograph taken from wikipedia)

an incomplete list of plant species growing at the pikkumaatila can be found here.

cinema

Mon, 15 Feb 2010 16:01:00 GMT

on March 6, the SIFF Cinema is screening the film dirt! free of charge as part of the Independent Television Service Community Cinema series. it behooves the pious in Seattle and thereabouts to attend.

offering

Mon, 15 Feb 2010 11:56:00 GMT

in order to better serve the cause of dirt, this church must frequently rely on the generosity of the community. such is the nature of our earthly ministry. but such generosity needn't go unrewarded. please take note of some items we need and help us fill the collection basket.

also, you may have noticed some changes we made to the website recently. the church was finally able to acquire a sacred symbol of our holy dirt and we would, quite naturally, like to show it off.

also, we're calling the weblog "clods" now. you know, like dirt clods. or stupid people. added a couple new links as well. any objections should be voiced at the next congregational meeting.

augury

Thu, 31 Dec 2009 18:09:00 GMT

as adherents of the first church of dirt, it is our duty to attempt ritual purity at all times. it is understood that the perfection of this task is not plausible during the present Kali Yuga^*, but the attempt is still required. we are, however, not alone in this task: consult the augur, who will take the auspices on your behalf and reveal occulted sources of bodily pollution to you. do not take for granted such mundane substances as the water you drink. even activities fundamental as interpersonal communication are demonstrated to originate vile filth. the balms and lotions that soften your skin also profane the temple of your body with foul contaminants. success is not guaranteed, but vigilance will be rewarded.

^*"Kali Yuga" as used here refers to the toxic environment we currently inhabit, not to the 432,000 years beginning on February 18, 3102 BCE. apologies for any confusion.

service

Mon, 28 Dec 2009 18:19:00 GMT

what follows is an untimely public service announcement:

folks, don't hyperventilate before you dive into some water. you're liable to give yourself some hypocapnia followed by hypoxia followed by syncope followed by you drown and you're dead. in vernacular, that's a shallow water blackout we're trying to avoid. seriously, don't drown.

if you're wondering what this has to do with dirt, well, I'll tell you when you're older.

false prophets

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 12:16:00 GMT

the United Nations Environment Programme recently issued a press release about a report by UNEP's International Panel for Sustainable Resource Management called Assessing Biofuels. the report largely concerns the climate impacts of various biofuels but also covers impacts on water quality and quantity and biodiversity.

I haven't finished reading the full report just yet (the press release is rather more concise than the whole report, but if that's still too long for you, this article gives a shorter summary), but I believe it boils down to this: biofuels aren't so great as folks seem to think.

clearing and draining tropical peat forests to plant oil palms (Elaeis oleifera and E. guineensis) is the worst practice the report mentions, saying it creates 2000% more greenhouse gases than using fossil energy would. clearing any land for fuel crops is obviously a pretty stupid idea (this is being done, by the way, and at an alarming rate, in Indonesia, Brazil, and elsewhere). the other option for growing fuel crops is to use existing farmland, thereby displacing food crops. also probably not a good idea, given our planet's rapidly increasing human population and that population's rapidly increasing appetite for land-intensive animal foods.

the report points out a number of other problems resulting from production of biofuels that have not been evaluated as extensively as greenhouse gas emissions. these include acidification and eutrophication of water, toxicity potential, smog creation, ozone depletion, abiotic resource depletion, and impacts on biodiversity. many of these are linked to agricultural practices used to grow fuel crops.

agricultural and industrial wastes and residues are also examined as possible feedstocks for biofuel operations. these options fare better from a greenhouse gas perspective, but they are also not without negative consequences.

the picture I get from this report isn't so much about biofuels, though, as it is about folks. affluent folks the world over are slowly becoming aware that their consumption has many extremely negative consequences. instead of changing their way of life in any substantive way, however, these folks are seeking technological fixes. this is unfortunate. switching the fuel used to power always-accelerating and rampantly destructive economies will not solve our problems. it will exacerbate existing problems and create new problems. dirt, along with the life it supports, will suffer.

evil

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 18:12:00 GMT

you are most likely familiar with the phrase "money is the root of all evil". it's from the Christian bible. specifically the First Epistle to Timothy, chapter six, verse ten:

For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

that's the King James Version of the Christian bible, in case you're curious.

whoever it was writing to Timothy (Paul? Polycarp? the pneuma?) seems to have gotten it backwards. the truncated malapropism most of us are familiar with is likewise mixed up: money, or the love of it, isn't the root of evil. rather, it seems to this church, evil is the root of money and greed. or maybe neither caused the other; they just happen to make a really good team.

how about some multimedia? this video is a decent primer on some major issues with the modern monetary system. it's a bit cutesy and of course a gross simplification, but a decent primer. pay special attention to the importance of exponential growth. if you've got the slightly longer attention span for it, there's also sort of a sequel (learn some Finnish while you watch!). if you're up for some, uh, light reading on the topic, The Lost Science of Money isn't a bad place to start. if your local library doesn't have it, they can almost certainly track a copy down and get it to you through an interlibrary loan.

those animations and book only address them briefly, but the negative social, health, and environmental consequences resulting inevitably from the modern money system are relatively well documented, if not well known or acknowledged. this church is concerned, first and foremost, with the impact of the prevailing money system on dirt. that impact is too vast to adequately elaborate here, so a very brief summary will have to do: in order to function, the money system requires an always increasing rate of consumption of finite resources. that consumption necessarily harms dirt and at an always increasing rate. for such a system to continue indefinitely is an impossibility. to believe otherwise is folly. to accept the truth but do nothing to change things is a selfishness that future generations will not and should not forgive.

but do not despair; there are alternatives. for today, we'll limit ourselves to discussion of the evil status quo, but take comfort in the knowledge that there are ways out. there are people who can help. whether you notice them or not, they are all around you.

foreign lands

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 14:17:00 GMT

I have returned safely from my travels amongst the infidels of New York City. sadly, said unbelievers did not prove particularly receptive to the dirty truth.

a few of them put on a great play, though. being entirely unqualified to write an actual review of a stage performance, I will simply say that I enjoyed "The Mustard Seed" and I look forward to future work by Chris and Alvin and the rest of the Carrie Sue's old bicycle. the pedestrians weren't particularly mindful, and double-parking is alarmingly common even in the middle of Manhattan, but in my six days riding, the closest I came to disaster was on a leafy pedestrian/bicycle path at the north end of Riverside Park with nary an automobile in sight.

Central Park did not impress. it is amazing that somebody had the foresight to set aside such a large piece of land in the middle of such a densely built metropolitan area, but it seemed oddly sterile to me. I certainly don't approve of most of the plant choices, but that's true of exactly every public park I've ever been to. it just seems a shame that in such a very large park visited by so very many people that the only edible plants are there by accident (weeds) or for strictly ornamental purposes. the oaks and lindens certainly make an immense amount of food, but not the kind that is likely to be used by any but the savviest visitors. however, I did have some fun there:

that is, if it isn't otherwise clear, a minister of the first church of dirt jumping out of a tree into a pile of leaves. other tree-climbers not pictured: Jon, Chris, and Maria. Maria runs Curio Confections, a small business you should patronize. immediately. Jon puts out fires but refuses to save kittens from trees. Chris drinks wine and sodomizes ~~consenting females and also~~ knot-holes, which can't consent.

not much else to say about New York City, really. it is what it is. I'm sure excellent things and awful things go on there that are invisible to the casual visitor.

traveling by train once again proved to be fairly interesting. a sample of folks I met: a fellow who showed me the intricate art he had previously scalpeled into his chest and stomach; a young man moving from Maine back to Marysville, Washington due to his family's destitution; several drunks; and a generous fellow from Minneapolis who left me, among less interesting things, some Chicken of the Sea smoked oysters in oil and some delicious chili lime almonds. I saw a lot of country. I read some books. I ate some chili lime almonds. folks don't give away chili lime almonds on airplanes. folks don't abandon their scotch and sodas in the lounge car for you to drink on airplanes, either. do airplanes even have lounge cars? also, it was a free trip courtesy of Amtrak's Guest Rewards program. sign up for their credit card and you'll get enough points for five free train trips from Seattle to Portland. the first church of dirt does not generally condone the existence of consumer credit, but hey: free train rides.

high holidays

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 07:48:00 GMT

the holiday season is finally here. it's time, at last, to celebrate D.B. Cooper Day.

November 24, 1971. carrying $200,000 Dan Cooper jumped out of a Northwest Orient Boeing 727 at the very moment it passed over the first church of dirt. Dan no longer graces us with his presence, but he left some things behind to help us remember.

ten-thousand twenty-dollar bills
aeronautical innovation
stories

if you're reading this too late to arrange a proper celebration today, do not fear. for the convenience of pious pilgrims, D.B. Cooper Day is observed the Saturday after Thanksgiving at the Ariel shrine.

whether you choose to celebrate today or Saturday, at home or at Ariel, please include the appropriate hymn and text.

sacrament

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:23:00 GMT

I think it's high time we sat down for a serious talk about strawberries.

let us assume that you are not one of the three people ever who doesn't like strawberries and that you are likewise not allergic to strawberries. you want some strawberries. this is good. eating strawberries is an important sacrament at the first church of dirt and one of the easiest to participate in. however, it is not well-known among the laity that a hierarchy exists among various strawberries' appropriateness for inclusion in this sacrament.

at the bottom of that hierarchy, the least appropriate, we've got strawberries that look like this:

so delicious, right? wrong. the species is Fragaria x ananassa, the variety is Chandler or another mass market cultivar, they were grown in California, they are most likely contaminated with both pesticides and herbicides harmful to health. perhaps most importantly, they aren't ripe so they don't taste good. these are the strawberries available at grocery stores. commercial strawberries are bred primarily for their ability to maintain a good appearance during extensive shipping; taste barely enters the equation. as these are the only strawberries a large percentage of folks have ever tasted, it's a surprise that so many still like strawberries.

one small step up, commercial strawberries also come in an USDA-certified organic version. these are better than conventionally-grown strawberries, but only because they lack the high levels of toxic chemical residue and the pollution associated with it. this is not inconsequential, but the resource intensive growing, transporting, and marketing is equivalent and sometimes worse than strawberries not labeled organic. they, like the above, were probably grown in a field that looked like this:

each year, the plants are replaced, requiring soil-damaging tillage and new plastic mulch.

better by far than the previous two options^* are locally grown strawberries. they will most likely still be garden strawberries (Fragaria x ananassa), but the variety will be something like Tristar or Seascape or any of a large number of other excellent options. being the same species, or the same cross of two species, these strawberries are very similar in appearance to commercial strawberries. but, being produced for local consumption, the focus of breeding will have been flavor instead of appearance and long-keeping. whereas commercial strawberries really need brown sugar and sour cream to be palatable, local strawberries taste like they've got the sugar already on them. whether these are grown at home, picked at a u-pick farm, or purchased from a small farm or farmer's market, they will be very satisfying.

the garden strawberry's main drawback is the short length of it's productive life: two or three years at best. this requires pretty near constant replacement of plants. extra work, yes, but more importantly: extra tillage. frequent disturbance has many negative effects on dirt, and so should be avoided.

the solution is a strawberry with a much longer productive life, the woodland or alpine strawberry (Fragaria vesca):

plants sometimes weaken after a few years, but this is avoided if simple steps are taken to maintain soil fertility. alpine strawberries do suffer from small size, but make up for it in taste: more delicious than even the best garden strawberries.

even tastier than alpine strawberries are musk strawberries (Fragaria moschata):

an adequate description of the taste is beyond me, but they are incredible. similarly long-lived, musk strawberries are day-length sensitive: they produce a brief (but heavy) crop in June into July (in the Northern hemisphere) and sometimes another in the fall. while garden strawberries are completely spent after three years, musk strawberries are much more productive from the third year on. they're also much easier to pick. the berries are borne in clusters on flowering stalks rather than singly and often hidden under leaves like garden strawberries. musk strawberries do require two varieties for pollination, though, but that's not such a very big problem. both musk and alpine strawberries produce well in shade or sun. deep forest shade won't do, but bright shade is sufficient.

one other possibility is the strawberry native to the first church of dirt's neighborhood, the beach strawberry (Fragaria chiloensis):

while collecting strawberries from wild plants enhances the sacrament tremendously, this species is also widely used in private and public landscaping. unfortunately, these plants produce only a very few of their excellent berries in a season.

these four options are all appropriate for the strawberry sacrament. a commonly cited drawback is actually an asset: they do not age well. the quality of the strawberry experience is greatly and quickly diminished by time from harvest. ideally less than five seconds from harvest to mouth, this time should be kept under an hour. processing the strawberries is one exception, but that is an entirely different sacrament and will be dealt with at another time.

*the strawberries discussed from this point onward are suitable for the sacrament. there exist other suitable species that are not mentioned, but they are quite rare.

home

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 19:29:00 GMT

gadfly theatre company would also like to give you a tour of the church's neighborhood:

home

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 17:38:00 GMT

Kanna would like to take you on a tour of our neighborhood. it's free!

scripture

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 20:05:00 GMT

I bought a book:

it caught my eye (as did Pornogami^*) when Kanna and I dropped by Pilot Books on Broadway last night. I wanted to browse it a bit so I kept it with me while we listened to Joey Comeau and a couple other folks read from some books. then I spilled a delicious beer all over everything. reading stopped. beer was cleaned up. fun was had at my expense. and the decision whether or not to buy the book was made for me. by me. because I spilled beer on it.^**

also, Joey signed my copy of Overqualified. then he signed the reserve slip from the library where I checked it out. I would photograph those things for you, but there is no camera handy: it has escaped again.

moral: Pilot Books is pretty great you should go there. that beer was strong so I spilled it. Joey Comeau is the same as on the internet. The Urban Homestead may very well be worthwhile reading; I really have no idea.

*I am thirteen
**Summer runs Pilot Books. she said I didn't really have to buy the book. Summer is very nice. it's a good thing that I don't have to buy everything I spill beer on. I would have so many carpets. shit.

doctrine air

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 13:10:00 GMT

travel by air leads to many problems. some of these problems, such as deep vein thrombosis, are of only passing interest to the first church of dirt. of greater concern are direct impacts of air travel on dirt: air, water, dirt, and noise pollution due to operation of aircraft, construction and maintenance of airports, and travel to and from airports.

most distressing to this church, however, are changes to human attitudes that follow from travel by aeroplane and other high-speed modes. on an airplane, each place loses any connection it has to any other place. when it is possible to get elsewhere so quickly, much of the motivation to care about and invest in your current location is removed. why would I spend valuable time discovering and becoming part of what is unique about where I am when I could more easily head to the nearest aerodrome and quickly find myself in some other more interesting place? why treat dirt as anything other than what holds me up between traveling to ever more distant and exotic places?

I am not opposed to traveling long distances. it is the only way to really experience the connections that exist between people and places and dirt and everything else that needs dirt. traveling far from where we are exposes us to new ideas and other ways humans, animals, soil processes, hydrologic cycles, &c. operate outside of our experience. I am only opposed to traveling long distances too quickly. speed turns the potential that travel has to connect us with other people and places into the potential for it to destroy the idea and reality of place.

hymn

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 20:14:00 GMT

I don't really know what the intended message of this video is, but the first church of dirt deems the author's apparent targets worthy of antipathy. sure, anarchists have been using corporate logos in anti-corporate contexts for many years, but novelty isn't everything.

further recommending this delightful piece:
bicycles! save the day!
Seattle musicians
the Teeny Little Super Guy format—you see, I wanted epilepsy when I was a schoolboy, and the stop-motion recalls me of the seizures I never got to have.

sadly, there is nary a glimpse of dirt.

civil engineering

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 19:59:00 GMT

the first church of dirt's official position on root bridges: they are, roughly, the raddest thing ever. do have a look.

job hunting

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 07:11:00 GMT

book review:

entirely unrelated to dirt, or the church of dirt, but worth your time anyhow: Overqualified by Joey Comeau. read it. seriously.

promised land

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 15:06:00 GMT

Access to Land

Holding Ground: A Guide to Northeast Farmland Tenure and Stewardship