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foreign lands
I have returned safely from my travels amongst the infidels of New York City.  sadly, said unbelievers did not prove particularly receptive to the dirty truth.

a few of them put on a great play, though.  being entirely unqualified to write an actual review of a stage performance, I will simply say that I enjoyed "The Mustard Seed" and I look forward to future work by Chris and Alvin and the rest of the Gadfly gang (careful with that link: the reverend nature of the posterior you may encounter doesn't improve the view).

as for the city itself, well, I have mixed feelings.  it was, despite warnings to the contrary, a fairly excellent place to travel by one of the church's preferred means: Carrie Sue's old bicycle.  the pedestrians weren't particularly mindful, and double-parking is alarmingly common even in the middle of Manhattan, but in my six days riding, the closest I came to disaster was on a leafy pedestrian/bicycle path at the north end of Riverside Park with nary an automobile in sight.

Central Park did not impress.  it is amazing that somebody had the foresight to set aside such a large piece of land in the middle of such a densely built metropolitan area, but it seemed oddly sterile to me.  I certainly don't approve of most of the plant choices, but that's true of exactly every public park I've ever been to.  it just seems a shame that in such a very large park visited by so very many people that the only edible plants are there by accident (weeds) or for strictly ornamental purposes.  the oaks and lindens certainly make an immense amount of food, but not the kind that is likely to be used by any but the savviest visitors.  however, I did have some fun there:

Mustard Seed 017.JPG

that is, if it isn't otherwise clear, a minister of the first church of dirt jumping out of a tree into a pile of leaves.  other tree-climbers not pictured: Jon, Chris, and Maria.  Maria runs Curio Confections, a small business you should patronize.  immediately.  Jon puts out fires but refuses to save kittens from trees.  Chris drinks wine and sodomizes consenting females and also knot-holes, which can't consent.

not much else to say about New York City, really.  it is what it is.  I'm sure excellent things and awful things go on there that are invisible to the casual visitor.

traveling by train once again proved to be fairly interesting.  a sample of folks I met: a fellow who showed me the intricate art he had previously scalpeled into his chest and stomach; a young man moving from Maine back to Marysville, Washington due to his family's destitution; several drunks; and a generous fellow from Minneapolis who left me, among less interesting things, some Chicken of the Sea smoked oysters in oil and some delicious chili lime almonds.  I saw a lot of country.  I read some books.  I ate some chili lime almonds.  folks don't give away chili lime almonds on airplanes.  folks don't abandon their scotch and sodas in the lounge car for you to drink on airplanes, either.  do airplanes even have lounge cars?  also, it was a free trip courtesy of Amtrak's Guest Rewards program.  sign up for their credit card and you'll get enough points for five free train trips from Seattle to Portland.  the first church of dirt does not generally condone the existence of consumer credit, but hey: free train rides.
high holidays
the holiday season is finally here.  it's time, at last, to celebrate D.B. Cooper Day.

DB_Cooper_Wanted_Poster[1].jpg

November 24, 1971.  carrying $200,000 Dan Cooper jumped out of a Northwest Orient Boeing 727 at the very moment it passed over the first church of dirt.  Dan no longer graces us with his presence, but he left some things behind to help us remember.

ten-thousand twenty-dollar bills
aeronautical innovation
stories

if you're reading this too late to arrange a proper celebration today, do not fear.  for the convenience of pious pilgrims, D.B. Cooper Day is observed the Saturday after Thanksgiving at the Ariel shrine.

whether you choose to celebrate today or Saturday, at home or at Ariel, please include the appropriate hymn and text.
sacrament
I think it's high time we sat down for a serious talk about strawberries.

let us assume that you are not one of the three people ever who doesn't like strawberries and that you are likewise not allergic to strawberries.  you want some strawberries.  this is good.  eating strawberries is an important sacrament at the first church of dirt and one of the easiest to participate in.  however, it is not well-known among the laity that a hierarchy exists among various strawberries' appropriateness for inclusion in this sacrament.

at the bottom of that hierarchy, the least appropriate, we've got strawberries that look like this:

a pile of strawberries

so delicious, right?  wrong.  the species is Fragaria x ananassa,
the variety is Chandler or another mass market cultivar, they were grown in California, they are most likely contaminated with both pesticides and herbicides harmful to health.  perhaps most importantly, they aren't ripe so they don't taste good.  these are the strawberries available at grocery stores.  commercial strawberries are bred primarily for their ability to maintain a good appearance during extensive shipping; taste barely enters the equation.  as these are the only strawberries a large percentage of folks have ever tasted, it's a surprise that so many still like strawberries.

one small step up, commercial strawberries also come in an USDA-certified organic version.  these are better than conventionally-grown strawberries, but only because they lack the high levels of toxic chemical residue and the pollution associated with it.  this is not inconsequential, but the resource intensive growing, transporting, and marketing is equivalent and sometimes worse than strawberries not labeled organic.  they, like the above, were probably grown in a field that looked like this:

plasticulture strawberry field

each year, the plants are replaced, requiring soil-damaging tillage and new plastic mulch.

better by far than the previous two options* are locally grown strawberries.  they will most likely still be garden strawberries (
Fragaria x ananassa), but the variety will be something like Tristar or Seascape or any of a large number of other excellent options.  being the same species, or the same cross of two species, these strawberries are very similar in appearance to commercial strawberries.  but, being produced for local consumption, the focus of breeding will have been flavor instead of appearance and long-keeping.  whereas commercial strawberries really need brown sugar and sour cream to be palatable, local strawberries taste like they've got the sugar already on them.  whether these are grown at home, picked at a u-pick farm, or purchased from a small farm or farmer's market, they will be very satisfying.

the garden strawberry's main drawback is the short length of it's productive life: two or three years at best.  this requires pretty near constant replacement of plants.  extra work, yes, but more importantly: extra tillage.  frequent disturbance has many negative effects on dirt, and so should be avoided.

the solution is a strawberry with a much longer productive life, the woodland or alpine strawberry (Fragaria vesca):

Fragaria vesca close-up

plants sometimes weaken after a few years, but this is avoided if simple steps are taken to maintain soil fertility.  alpine strawberries do suffer from small size, but make up for it in taste: more delicious than even the best garden strawberries.

even tastier than alpine strawberries are musk strawberries (Fragaria moschata):

Fragaria moschata close-up

an adequate description of the taste is beyond me, but they are incredible.  similarly long-lived, musk strawberries are day-length sensitive: they produce a brief (but heavy) crop in June into July (in the Northern hemisphere) and sometimes another in the fall.  while garden strawberries are completely spent after three years, musk strawberries are much more productive from the third year on.  they're also much easier to pick.  the berries are borne in clusters on flowering stalks rather than singly and often hidden under leaves like garden strawberries.  musk strawberries do require two varieties for pollination, though, but that's not such a very big problem.  both musk and alpine strawberries produce well in shade or sun.  deep forest shade won't do, but bright shade is sufficient.

one other possibility is the strawberry native to the first church of dirt's neighborhood, the beach strawberry (Fragaria chiloensis):

Fragaria chiloensis close-up

while collecting strawberries from wild plants enhances the sacrament tremendously, this species is also widely used in private and public landscaping.  unfortunately, these plants produce only a very few of their excellent berries in a season.

these four options are all appropriate for the strawberry sacrament.  a commonly cited drawback is actually an asset: they do not age well.  the quality of the strawberry experience is greatly and quickly diminished by time from harvest.  ideally less than five seconds from harvest to mouth, this time should be kept under an hour.  processing the strawberries is one exception, but that is an entirely different sacrament and will be dealt with at another time.

*the strawberries discussed from this point onward are suitable for the sacrament.  there exist other suitable species that are not mentioned, but they are quite rare.